Deb's Mutterings

a little hello

Just a little hello, I’m still finding it hard to have anything to say, although I flit around the ‘net and keep up with what’s going on, read blogs, look in the galleries, but I don’t have much to say, the words are difficult to find, but I’m still here, and we’re getting by. I truly appreciate all the messages, blog comments, and emails that come through - you will never know how much your support has comforted and sustained me, and the kids too.

Life does go on, although the days are very bleak without my darling Ray. The horror of Ray’s death is receding some, it’s not so overwhelming most of the time, although there are still times when a wave of terror and loss washes over me. I don’t sleep well, and he is in my dreams, miraculously returned to us, although even in my sleeping consciousness I know it cannot be true. Sadness remains and deepens, and I can’t afford to think too far ahead. I just need to get through this day, and then the next, taking one day at a time. The children miss their Daddy terribly, and barely a day goes by without one of them in tears, wanting him back. We are still trying to get back into some sort of “normal” routine, but there are many extra things that have to be done too, which throw us all out again.

My family visited this past weekend for combined birthday celebrations - we used to travel down to join them, but just for now I can’t face driving there without Ray, and being away from home overnight. It’s hard to think of celebrating anything without Ray; Josiah turned thirteen without his Dad. Isaiah has lost his first tooth, and is still struggling daily with losing his Daddy. Kate is trying so hard to support me, such a big responsibility she feels. Josiah has really stepped up to the plate, looking for little jobs to do to help out. Caleb, Grace and Noah seem to be managing better, although odd little things still trigger tears for them too.

I’m trying to get back to my online community, but it’s still hard for me to join in (posting or commenting much is too difficult still). I have done a little bit of scrapbooking - working on my Nanna’s photos, which are mostly impersonal, and no journalling to add. I’ve done a challenge or 2, and I’m working hard to create a ”lolly bag” for the Pickleberry birthday party next month. This layout of my neice from this past weekend is for the Lilypad blog challenge this week - Kate took loads of lovely photos while everyone was visiting.

bg papers and scallop edge by me, stamped alpha (MISS) by Michelle Coleman, flower and ribbons by Natalie Braxton, alpha (personality) by Kate Hadfield, title font (little) SP WonderfulWendy

Thanks again for enveloping us in love, you can’t know how much it helps us. Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them, and live every day to the full - do what really matters….

{{Big Hug}}for you Deb, Just one day at a time remember, and don’t be too hard on yourself about posting and commenting… honestly its the least of your worries.
Keeping you in my thoughts.

Hey Deb,
I think of you and your family often.
I love the bookmark Kate sent.
{{{HUGS}}}

I’m so glad to hear from you! I was thinking about you recently. Thank you for the update. God bless you!

Deb, you and your family are still in my thoughts.
I’m glad you have been able to scrap a little again, your layout is gorgeous.

So good to hear from you. I check in and think of you often. The layout is really fun.

So glad your still updating us hun. I think of you all often and you are still in my daily prayers. Love and blessings being sent to you all, Shawna

It’s the little things that must seem so hard… my DH lost his dad 18 months ago, he is a grown man and still has days when it overwhelms him… thinking of you and your gorgeous kids

It’s so wonderful to hear from you - I think of you and your family often. Thank you for the reminder - I will definately hug my loved ones Deb, and I will also send you a big {{{hug}}} too.

Deb, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you love and hugs, especially for those “firsts” that Ray isn’t there to share with you. The LO is gorgeous. God Bless
Jen H

Thanks Deb for leaving us with those wise words. I do hope the pain lessens for you day by day and year by year. So glad to see you around a bit. Hugs

Thanks for sharing your world with so many. I still think of you & your children often & pray that you will find the strength to get through each day. Sending blessings to you & your family.

Hi Deb,
still thinking of you, and praying for you all. Keep on hanging on. Much love.

Deb it is so nice to have you popping in and out when you feel you can. I think of you and your family often, take care

You’re bravery and determination are still inspiring and you are still in my thoughts.

Listening to you struggle to put your feelings into words breaks my heart. It means alot to hear you & the kids are surviving. Thank you so much for the update and I will continue to pray for you daily.

Deb, I just don’t have the right words but know my thoughts are with you and your family. Love Jenni

Nice to hear from you Deb and to see you scrapping again. {hugs}

*hug*

Don’t you worry about us! You just take care of you and yours, one day at a time. That’s all you can do. Try getting out and letting a little sun shine on your face with your eyes closed. That has always helped me feel a little better when I am sad, maybe feeling the suns warmth will do some good for your too.

Still here. Still prayerful. Still walking w/ you.~G

Hi Deb, it’s good to hear from you. Glad to know that you’re joining the online community again, thinking of you & your children everyday

It’s nice to hear from you here. You all have remained in my thoughts and prayers! I love the LO you did for that challenge! >

You continue to be on all of our minds - you have more friends than you could possibly envision. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

So good to see a post from you, Deb. You’ve been so often in my thoughts, and when I think of you, I pray. Give me a holler when you’re in the mood. Marci

Hello Deb so lovely to hear from you when you feel you can post. Everyday i am thinking of your family and it’s so lovely to hear that you and the children are coping somehow the best you can. Big Hugs from me oxoxo

you and your family are often in my thoughts….(hugs

Deb, it is good to hear from you. Your layout is beautiful! I just love those colors! Kate takes awesome photos! The expressions she captured on your niece are so precious! It is good you have a creative project (your Nana’s photos) to work on. I do hope that gives you a bit of an escape. Take care and God bless! You and the children continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!

Hi, you often come into my thoughts, and I still pray for you and your precious family. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what we really have, and not to take anything for granted. Still working on my abc book, inspired by your abc brag book template I bought. You can see what I have done so far on my blog, if you feel like looking. Keep taking each day at a time, and I hope you feel God close to you.

Deb–I was just thinking about you and came to search out your blog to see how you were. Big hugs and prayers for you and your sweet kidlets.

Have been thinking of you and I’m glad to see back in the digi community.

Your layout is wonderful.

Hugs to you and yours .

Deb I’m so glad to see this entry in your blog. You are still in my thoughts and prayers. Jo LSBS ScrappinPom

I’m glad to see you posted something to let us know that you’re ok. Keep Ray’s memory alive and you all will get stronger. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lovely to see a post from you, bless you and your lovely little family, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

I think of you so much Deb and how hard things must be. I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow.

Always there on my mind Deb and sending you big hugs.

One big hug for all of you!

So good to hear from you again! I think I last checked your blog just before you posted this entry. Lots of thoughts and prayers!

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